you must have understood by now that I travel a lot around the world. thanks to my experience I would like to focus my attention on a specific topic, the italian tourists.
first of all, an astonishing and incomprehensible fact: they are absolutely everywhere. new york? all italians. London? all italians. Bali? all italians. brazil? all italians. and so on… any place you go, in the furthest corner of the earth you will find a group of italian tourists. And how are these italian tourists!? as follows:
– about their clothing: only super labels. “may these brazilians not think that we are poor!” so they wear hogan shoes, big chanel sunglasses, vuitton/gucci bags, moncler jacket and so on…
– they always have a backpack, little backpacks, huge backpacks: I wonder what is inside. maybe one more jersey because you never know…
– besides the backpack, with who knows what is inside, they are the only ones in the world with a magnificent leftover of the eighties: the fanny pack. in there they keep the passport, the house keys, some dollars hidden extremely well (but everyone knows where they are) and all those other things they do not dare leaving in the hotel room (“I think the black maid is a thief, you can read it on her face”).
– they are always and exclusively seeking italian food. italian pasta. italian espresso. everything that is local simply does not exist. they inevitably end up talking about their mother’s cooking.
– on this italocentricity they only buy the same identical things they would buy in italy: for example, they go all the way to new york to buy calvin klein.
– they inevitably speak aloud. actually, they shout: “HEY!!! COME OVER HERE, WAIT FOR AMBRI AND COMBRI!!!!”
– children: it is rare that they bring them to that extremely dangerous place… london. if they do everything I said so far gets multiplied: these young thugs go unpunished with names like (kevin, jessica…) they are dressed as if they are going to the north pole with big labels, hovering angrily shouting at their parents: “ASSHOLES!!! THE APPLE STORE IS THIS WAY!!!!”
– they do not speak a word of english. at most they dare (SHOUTING, obviously) the classic “NOIO VOLUVAN SAPER…”
– as soon as they get off the plane they get on their cellphones and they call home reassuring that the extremely dangerous flight went very well and that they have landed safe and sound. ok, it was milan-paris, but one never knows of the dangers that lurk over the alps…
– they do not mix: italians are always with italians. the others, even though they are from london and not from borneo, they are always wild, dirty and drunk.
– no matter where they are they always compare it to some place to italy: maldivian beach!?? they know of a little beach in sardinia that is worth much more! a castle in the loire?!? have you ever seen the palace in caserta, it’s worth a thousand! they will end up saying “italy is the most beautiful country in the world, but we don’t know how to promote it!”
– they travel, travel, travel (I wonder why!) but in the end they only want one thing: to go back home. in fact the secret is all there: italians do not travel for the pleasure of travelling, but for the pleasure of coming back home and especially to be able to tell their friends: “this summer? I went to the mauritius!”
